- October 1999 -

Saturday 10\30\99 - 7:49 PM GMT
Halloween preparations underway
Smith today informed close friends and associates that he plans to spend this Halloween "hiding out in his basement with a flashlight, some canned meats, bottled water, and a loaded and ready shotgun".  A visibly shaking Smith continued: "I've heard about the whole computer virus doomsday thing, and if any of them little looters so much as approaches my front door looking for goodies, they'll be in for one hell of a surprise."

Thursday 10\28\99 - 5:14 AM GMT
New album title announced
The follow-up to IDEAS FOR SONGS by The Beatless will be released sometime in November, and has officially been titled LIFE & DEATH.  Rev. Smith has recorded at least 22 new songs for the band's sophomore effort.  A full tracklist for the upcoming album will be posted here soon.

Tuesday 10\26\99 - 11:32 PM GMT
Smith "high on life"
Denying all recent charges of substance abuse, Rev. Smith today claimed to have achieved a "natural high - one that goes beyond what other illicit substances could possibly offer me".  Speaking candidly to reporters, he told them "I feel good, today, man, real good.  I'm just high on life."  He later declined to answer questions about an alleged Jones Soda drinking binge the previous night.

Tuesday 10\26\99 - 12:03 AM GMT
Penis caught in zipper (again)
For the fourth time in just over a week, Rev. Smith accidentally caught his penis in the zipper of his one-piece pajamas.  On one such occasion last Monday night, the local fire department was called, and the "jaws of life" were deployed in order to free Smith from the zipper.  "This is a problem I believe I can overcome," said a sore and mortified Smith today.

Sunday 10\24\99 - 4:09 AM GMT
Jones Soda supply running low
A new report issued today indicates that Rev. Smith's personal supply of Jones Soda in running dangerously low.  "I've got 3, maybe 4 full bottles left in the fridge right now," said Smith gravely. "I should really go out and buy a lot more."  Shaking his head slowly, he added "...a lot more."

Friday 10\22\99 - 6:55 AM GMT
IDEAS FOR SONGS goes gold
The debut album by The Beatless officially went gold this morning at 6:21 AM GMT.  A far cry from the multi-platinum selling successes Smith enjoyed while with GOF UGNÜT, it is nonetheless seen by many as an accomplishment in sales for a self-released album.  Smith is currently hard at work on a follow-up album which is expected in November.

Tuesday 10\19\99 - 5:13 AM GMT
Smith, Danza to star in buddy-cop movie
Veteran actor Tony Danza will team-up with Rev. Smith this fall to film the buddy-cop action movie Hard to Swallow.  Danza will star as Tony Spazamazoni, a tough but fair cop who's been around the block.  His partner, an over-eager beginner named Dan Chase, will be played by Macaulay Culkin.  Their arch nemesis, an evil drug-running psychotic killer will be played by the venerable Tom Skerrit.  It is believed that Smith will have a brief role as an extra somewhere near the beginning of the film.

Sunday 10\17\99 - 1:16 AM GMT
Penis caught in zipper
Rev. Smith suffered a minor injury and major blow to his ego last night when just before going to bed, while zipping up his one-piece pajamas, he accidentally got his penis caught.  This is the first time this has happened to The Reverend since he was nine years of age.  "Ow, fuck, fuck, fuck!" said Smith.

Wednesday 10\13\99 - 10:40 PM GMT
Reverend's Y2K-compatibility questioned
Top scientists and technology experts today expressed concerns about Rev. Smith's Y2K compatibility at an international symposium.  "Smith was created in the early 1970s and does not have the ability to express the current year using more than 2 digits," explained Charles Mikulis, professor of Humanetics at Brown University, "consequently, at exactly midnight of Dec. 31, 1999, his head will explode."

Saturday 10\09\99 - 12:37 PM GMT
Smith meets President at historic summit
Recently Rev. Smith paid a visit to the Jones Soda World Headquarters in Vancouver, British Columbia, where he held talks with Urban Juice & Soda president Peter Van Stolk and close aid, Jones Soda webmaster Ernest Von Rosen.  "I feel confident that these talks will result a new era of prosperity for Jones Soda collectors such as myself," said Smith. Full details.

Monday 10\04\99 - 9:35 AM GMT
Rev. Smith declared "World's Tallest Midget"
Standing nearly 6"1', The Rev. Brendan Powell Smith was this morning declared by the ICHS (International Committee on Heights and Sizes) to be the tallest midget alive.  Smith accepted the honor in a televised ceremony from Rotterdam.  "Today, I feel huge," declared Smith just before falling flat on his ass, delighting thousands of noteworthy onlookers.

Saturday 10\02\99 - 3:43 PM GMT
Brussels concert canceled
Citing "dreadfully poor weather conditions" and "the fact that I'm not currently on tour", Rev. Smith held a brief press conference today to announce that the unplanned upcoming performance by The Beatless which was never scheduled to take place this Tuesday at 8pm at the National Performing Arts Center in Brussels, will indeed not be happening. "Sorry," he added.