- March 2001 -
Friday
3\30\01 - 9:04 PM GMT
Face saved
In order not to offend his gracious hosts and to
save face, Rev. Smith today ate a a meal which he is
fairly sure contained dried rat. "I don't speak
much Mandarin," said Smith, "so I kind of
pointed at the food and asked hopefully 'chicken?',
and my host just smiled and nodded. I don't know. It
didn't taste all that bad. I just hope I don't
get the shits again."
Tuesday
3\27\01 - 8:20 PM GMT
Human Heads well received
An impromptu musical performance at a Buddhist monastery
high atop the peak of Mount Emei by The
Human Heads had locals clapping, fellow travelers
singing along, and put smiles on the faces of no small
amount of devout monks. After many an encore, the monks
excused themselves to go to bed as they had to get up
at 4am the next morning to pray.
Thursday
3\22\01 - 5:39 PM GMT
Smith narrowly averts
assassination
An unexpected attempt was made on Rev. Smith's life
today when an unidentified assassin emerged from a crowded
train platform in Xi'an, China, confronting Smith. The
plot was cut short however, when it was revealed that
the would-be assassin had forgotten his gun. A brief
apology was made before the unarmed gunman fled the
scene on bike.
Sunday
3\18\01 - 11:05 AM GMT
Little trouble in big
China
The Rev. Brendan Powell Smith arrived in Beijing
this morning with bandmate Lila Tene to kick off The
Human Heads three week promotional tour of China. Throngs
of fans crowded the airport to get a peek at Smith who
is still most widely known for his days with international
pop sensations GOF
UGNÜT. "Ni hao," said Smith to the
gathered crowd, "cesuo zai nar?"
Wednesday
3\14\01 - 6:09 PM GMT
Salad Days a favorite
In a recent article in the NME,
Veteran crooner Tom Jones noted that Salad
Days, a song from The Rev. Brendan Powell Smith's
1998 album IDEAS
FOR SONGS, is one of his all-time favorite
songs by an artist other than himself. Other songs
to receive similar praise included the 1983 hit "Fascination"
by The Human League and "Wango Tango!" by
Ted Nugent.
Sunday
3\11\01 - 1:27 AM GMT
Smith goes to jail
After being arrested on charges of rolling doubles three
times in a row, Rev. Smith was sent directly to jail
today without trial, and was not allowed to collect
his $200 salary. During his stay in jail he was visited
by a friend who later had to pay Smith $1250 for staying
one of his hotels. Released from jail early after
paying a fee of $50, Smith went on to earn $10 for winning
second place in a beauty contest.
Thursday
3\8\01 - 8:37 PM GMT
Kicked in the sack
The Rev. Brendan Powell Smith was kicked in the
sack without warning this afternoon
at a family gathering by his aunt Pam after casually
suggesting that perhaps he may one day write a sequel
to his phenomenal web sensation BRAD:
the game. He spent the remainder of the day lying
down next to his uncle Brad, who had been kicked in
the sack about an hour earlier, as Anna fetched them
both fresh ice packs every half-hour or so.
Monday
3\5\01 - 2:42 PM GMT
Plague of frogs
A harsh warning was delivered to the world today by
The Reverend on behalf of God. "A plague
of frogs will soon ravage this land," declared
the longtime prophet. He went on to explain that
God is displeased that his New
Improved Testament has met with only fledgling interest
among the masses. "And don't think he's bluffing,
'cause he's done this kind of thing before," remarked
Smith. "You just ask Egypt."
A.D.
2101
All
your base are belong to us
War was beginning. What happen? Somebody set up us the
bomb. We get signal. What ! Main screen turn on. It's
You !! How are you gentlemen !! All your base are belong
to us. You are on the way to destruction. What you say
!! You have no chance to survive make your time. HA
HA HA HA .... Take off every 'zig' !! You know what
you doing. Move 'zig'. For great justice.
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