- November 2001 -
Thursday
11\29\01 - 7:44 AM GMT
Terrorist
plot foiled
Rev.
Smith's secret plot to blow up San Francisco's Bay Bridge,
possibly killing thousands of commuters and causing
billions of dollars in damage was prevented today when
fractions of a second after he hatching the diabolical
plan, Smith thought better of it. "I'd been stuck
in bridge traffic for over an hour," explained
Smith, who so far has not been taken into custody, "when
this asshole cut me off for no reason. So then this
idea flashed through my mind to just blowup this whole
godforsaken traffic nightmare. But then, you know, I
realized it was just a stupid idea."
Saturday
11\17\01 - 3:29 PM GMT
The
Old Testament strikes back
Rev.
Smith's Brick
Testament site updates again today with seven new
illustrated stories from the Old Testament, from The
Tower of Babel to The Seduction of Lot. Painstakingly
hand-crafted by hand, each of these intricately detailed
LEGO tableaus represents over 1,200 man-hours of work
and are the product of a poorly-paid team of Chinese
sweatshop workers under the direction of Rev. Smith.
Enjoy.
Thursday
11\12\01 - 10:54 AM GMT
Shit
out of luck
The Rev.
Brendan Powell Smith revealed today that he is shit
out of luck. "I don't want to get into the details,"
said an exhausted Smith, slumped over a podium and dressed
in pajamas, "but suffice it to say recent events
have conspired in such a way as to have left me in a
state which can best be summed up as 'shit out of luck'."
Asian markets were off 1.7% as investors nervously wait
to see what affect Smith's announcement will have on
the US economy.
Thursday
11\08\01 - 1:55 PM GMT
Baseball
reduced to two teams
Due to
waning interest, the Major League Baseball Commission
has voted to reduce the number of teams in the league
to two. The first downsizing of the league since 1898
met with reactions across the country that ranged from
mild indifference to lukewarm acceptance. "This
will be a real shot in the arm for baseball," stated
Commissioner Lou Grenwall before nodding off. The two
remaining teams, the New York Yankees and the Chicago
Cubs will face each other 162 times next season and
are both heavy favorites to make the play-offs.
Monday
11\05\01 - 9:14 PM GMT
Smith
throws baby out with bathwater
Rev.
Smith's first stint as a baby sitter went horribly awry
yesterday when he accidentally threw the baby out with
the bathwater. "The kid had just pooped himself,"
explained a flabbergasted Smith, "so I thought
he should have a bath." Smith did not realize what
he had done until hours later when the child's parents
returned home and demanded to see their son. "We
searched the whole house and couldn't find him. Um,
oops."
Friday
11\02\01 - 6:20 AM GMT
Brendan
Smith dead at 73
The Rev.
Brendan Powell Smith found out second hand today that
he was dead at age 73 of lung cancer. Though never having
smoked a cigarette in his life, and feeling like he
was only 28 years old mere moments ago, Smith nevertheless
is now dead according to an article
in today's Los Angeles Times. Asked for his comments
on this surprising turn of events, Smith paused to offer
his deepest condolences for himself, and then picked
up his shovel and resumed digging his own grave.
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