- November 2002 -

Thursday 11\28\02 - 11:03 PM GMT
Turkey Day
Across the world today, man celebrates his prehistoric victory over turkeys by taking part in the annual family ritual of catching a turkey, cooking it, stuffing it with savory delights, and then devouring it until there is nothing left but bones. But Rev. Smith attempts recapture some of the thrill man's original prehistoric glory by waking up early and wrestling a full-grown male turkey at the crack of dawn and then devouring it live. There are some who would call this ritual barbaric and cruel, but for Smith it is a deeply symbolic act, fraught with profound emotion and a grim sense of duty. Asked what he would do if one day the turkey was the victor in the wresting match, Smith shuddered and said, "I hadn't really stopped to consider that."

Friday 11\22\02 - 8:47 PM GMT
The Brick Testament parts the Red Sea
The illustrated Exodus saga continues today with five brand new stories now online at TheBrickTestament.com. See manna fall from the sky! Watch as water pours from solid rock! And behold as a great sea splits in two, only to to collapse back on itself, killing thousands. And while you're at it, don't forget to buy your loved ones an official Brick Testament LEGO Holy Trinity -- while supplies last!

Monday 11\18\02 - 3:25 PM GMT
Interior designer redesigns Smith's interiors
Citing a need to "shake thing up a little bit", Rev. Smith this week hired renown European interior designer Hans Dübeck to redesign his interiors. After six days of intense work the task was complete. "It's not exactly what I expected," commented Smith, whose pancreas, liver, left lung, and gall bladder were removed by Dübeck "to create more space". "But I guess I can sort of get used to it," said Smith, the location of whose brain and small instestine has been swapped. "I guess," added Smith before collapsing.

Thursday11\14\02 - 7:04 PM GMT
Smith attends Danza funeral
It was a solemn occasion this morning as Rev. Smith attended the funeral of longtime friend and associate Tony Danza who was killed earlier this week in an apparent terrorist attack on the Danza compound in Tarzana, CA. "We didn't always see eye-to-eye on every issue," said Smith who had a major falling out with the former star of Who's the Boss? and The Tony Danza Show a couple of years back, "but Tony was an extraordinary man, both on and off screen." After delivering a short eulogy to his departed friend, Smith tore his clothes, put ash on his head and wore sackcloth for the rest of the day.

Sunday 11\10\02 - 5:02 AM GMT
Fictitious fortune
Going into business with his imaginary friend last February 31st, The Rev. Brendan Powell Smith established a fictitious business entitled Ephemeral Dreams, Incorporeal. The company became an immediate success in the mind of its owner, providing highly sought after fictitious goods and services to a fictitious clientele across the globe. Smith made his initial fortune after this summer's Imaginary Public Offering, and amassed even more fantastic wealth when he recently sold the company to Gill Bates in a stock swap valued by Smith at nearly $3.43 billion.

Tuesday 11\5\02 - 7:04 PM GMT
Earmarked
Rev. Smith, along with $2.4 million in funds, was earmarked today for improving local roads and promoting public transit when in today's elections Santa Clara County voters overwhelmingly approved Prop 43. Smith was an admittedly "whimsical" last minute addition to the proposition said draftee Michael Fournier (D) who lead the successful Yes-on-43 campaign and believes that "the passage of this act will go a long way toward repairing our county's badly damaged road and bridges," and that "Rev. Smith now has no choice other than to grab a shovel and get to work."

Friday 11\1\02 - 5:39 PM GMT
Smith slashing prices on everything
Declaring today, Saturday, and Sunday a "Final Blowout Sale", The Rev. Brendan Powell Smith today made his way throughout the store, slashing prices on everything, including all brand name appliances, designer fashions, quality home furnishings, and more. Many sale items already deeply discounted are now as much as 80 to 95% off. "He must be insane to be doing this," commented one amazed shopper. "He doesn't even work here."