- January 2001 -
Monday
1\29\01 - 11:41 AM GMT
Make your own band
A new feature at TheHumanHeads.com
allows web surfers, for the first time ever, to make
their own personalized Human Heads band photos! It's
fun, free, and easy, and the results may leave you startled
and gasping for breath. So try it out today or
your life will be sadly lacking! And while you're
at it, why not check out their music,
too?
Friday
1\26\01 - 6:25 PM GMT
No fear
At a surprise public Meat Handler's convention in
Buffalo, NY, today The Rev. Brendan Powell Smith boldly
pronounced that he has overcome all of his fears, and
that he fears not any future fears frightening him in
the foreseeable future. The news was met with
apprehension on Wall Street where jittery investors
spent the day both buying and selling stocks.
Tuesday
1\23\01 - 12:08 AM GMT
10,000 days old
Today, January 23, 2001, The Rev. Brendan Powell
Smith celebrates his 10,000th day of being alive.
To commemorate this remarkable achievement, on this
very special day, Smith will wake up, do a bunch of
stuff, and then finally, when the day is done, go to
sleep. A motion to declare the day a national
holiday in France was narrowly defeated by 43 votes.
Wednesday
1\17\01 - 1:09 AM GMT
In the future
With an irresistibly catchy melody and an almost
scarily poignant message in its lyric, In the Future
by The Human
Heads is buzzing its way up the Indie charts at
mp3.com, hitting the number 11 spot by noontime tomorrow.
Go and see for yourself what the fuss is all about at
mp3.com/thehumanheads.
You have been warned.
Friday
1\12\01 - 9:47 PM GMT
Celebrity-awareness banquet canceled
This weekend's planned celebrity-awareness gala
in Ottawa has been canceled due to expected severe weather
conditions. The event, sponsored by Rev. Smith, was
to be star-studded affair attended by superstars of
the entertainment industry, sports, and politics, in
a combined effort to bring greater attention to people
of celebrity status worldwide. All profits were to go
to the immensely rich.
Tuesday
1\9\01 - 4:22 PM GMT
Smith dodges racial question
After years of self-identification as a "native
American", Smith continued to politely dodge reporters'
questions this afternoon regarding his "official"
racial identity, refusing -- against the advice of some
of his closest social advisors -- to label himself either
"black" or "white". A recent network
poll found that 24% consider him to be white, 26% consider
him to be black, while an overwhelming 43% majority
did not understand the question.
Thursday
1\4\01 - 9:38 AM GMT
Monolith found; effects unclear
While digging up his backyard to install a new septic
tank, Rev. Smith today stumbled upon a medium-sized
shiny black monolith which seems to have been purposefully
buried there. After hesitating, Smith touch the monolith
which soon began emitting a terrible high-pitched tone.
Later in the day, Smith found that his word-finding
ability in Boggle had nearly doubled and also that his
computer was secretly plotting to kill him.
Monday
1\1\01 - 11:43 AM GMT
Real millennium starts next year
Refusing to take part in any of the "grandiose
party-throwing" surrounding this New Year's Eve,
Rev. Smith defiantly spent a quiet night at home, explaining
to interested onlookers that it is technically quite
incorrect for people to consider January 1, 2001 to
be the start of the new millennium, since "not
only was there no Year Zero, there was also never any
Year Negative Zero." There actual start of the
21st century, according to Smith, is February 12, 2002.
|
