- May 2000 -
Monday
5\29\00 - 4:14 AM GMT
Double-Chev combo silences naysayers
In a stunning maneuver that has awed dining strategists, Rev. Smith ate
at two new Chevys
restaurants on Saturday, making the 3rd & Howard
location in San Francisco his 57th. Conducting business
in the Sacramento area around 1pm, Smith made an unexpected
move, grabbing a quick lunch at the new Chevys in Vacaville.
"Wow," commented one onlooker.
Saturday
5\27\00 - 9:01 AM GMT
Smith to attend 56th Chevys restaurant
Tonight Rev. Smith dines at the new 3rd & Howard Chevys
mexican restaurant in San Francisco. This will be the
56th Chevys location he's visited, having easily surpassed
his goal of "50 by 2000" stated a year ago.
Other Chevys locations Smith has been to include Alameda,
Richmond, Emeryville, Laguna Niguel, Foster City, Mountain
View, Sunnyvale, Novato, Gilroy, Folsom, South Lake
Tahoe, West Covina, Ontario, and Merced.
Thursday
5\25\00 - 7:33 PM GMT
Slapped upside the head
"Don't make me go upside your head," Rev. Smith was sternly
warned several times today. Still he did not listen.
In the end, Smith found himself being slapped upside
the head. "Hindsight is always 20/20, and in retrospect,
looking back," said Smith, "I really had it
coming."
Monday
5\22\00 - 12:44 PM GMT
Letter of apology from Urkel
A formal letter of apology arrived today from TV's Urkel, confessing
that he had voted for himself 15 times in the current
web poll, and seeking forgiveness. "I couldn't
help myself," explained Urkel. "Do you know
what it's like always living in the shadow of those
two giants, Coleman and Webster?" The tear-stained
letter went on to explain that Urkel seeks divine forgiveness
from Rev. Smith as GOD's new elect.
Friday
5\19\00 - 4:15 PM GMT
GOD
calls Rev. Smith
On his way to Taco Bell today, Rev. Smith was called on by GOD.
"I have arbitrarily chosen you," said GOD.
"You and your descendants will be favored among
men. I will bring you into a land already occupied by
others, kill off the current occupants and call it yours.
Your people must show devotion to me by wearing facial
pants." "Facial pants?" asked Smith.
"You know, like pants..." said GOD,
"for your face."
Tuesday
5\16\00 - 8:17 AM GMT
Webster enjoying comfortable lead
The latest web poll shows Webster with a comfortbale 19% lead over arch-rival
Gary Coleman with just over a hundred votes cast to
date. "I shall prevail," barked an irate Coleman
at a press conference Monday, pounding his fist against
the podium repeatedly. Dark horse candidate Urkel has
yet to recieve a single vote.
Thursday
5\11\00 - 4:29 AM GMT
We've lost our lease!
Rev. Smith's website has lost its lease! Now everything must go!
Save hundreds on quality merchandise, with savings as
much as 50-80% off! But act now before supplies
run out and this website closes its doors forever! See
that navbar to your left? Name your price! How
about that vertical gray line just above the webpoll?
Yours for an incredible $5! Hurry! Don't
miss out on this historic once-in-a-lifetime chance
to save money!
Saturday
5\6\00 - 2:18 AM GMT
Smith into self-mutilation
Reports from a wide variety of tabloid newspapers today are running a
story about Rev. Smith's supposed habits of self-mutilation.
The story is accompanied by shockingly graphic photographs
of Smith using a small metal device to cut his own fingernails
shorter than they would naturally grow. There are also
unsubstantiated rumors that Smith subjects himself to
bi-monthly "haircuts".
Wednesday
5\3\00 - 6:25 PM GMT
BRAD:
the game lawsuit
Buddy from Christy's, who can be found in Rev. Smith's BRAD:
the game, filed a lawsuit today against Smith, seeking
$4.3 million in emotional damages due to his indecent
portrayal in the game. "Look, man," said Buddy,
"it's like I can't even go to work anymore without
people recognizing me from that damn game. And I'm up
for shift supervisor soon, too, so I got an image to
protect, you know?"
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