- May 2003 -

Thursday 5\29\03 - 9:28 PM GMT
Alien race mulls over US invasion
The leaders of Kardaki 7 continue to mull over a possible invasion of the United States. Several reasons for such an invasion have been put forth: the US is seen as a threat to the security of others; the US's recent unlawful invasion and occupation of Iraq; the US's massive stockpile of weapons of mass destruction; and the Bush regime, which came into power through non-democratic means and waged a war not supported by its citizens. A US invasion would pose little risk to the armies of Kardaki 7 whose military might dwarfs that of the US. It is believed that such an invasion and occupation, though mainly targeting military structures, would result in the loss of life of thousands if not millions of US citizens.

Sunday 5\25\03 - 11:50 AM GMT
Moses is dead
The illustrated saga of the Israelites' epic journey through the Wilderness comes to a close today with four new stories now online at The Brick Testament. See as Moses, God's ever-faithful servant, delivers some tender final instructions to his people before God makes the 120-year old man climb a tall mountain and view the bountiful promised land that he will never ever be allowed to enter. Then he dies.

Wednesday 5\21\03 - 4:18 AM GMT
Run for your lives
Today, Rev. Smith hosts the The 7th annual 'Run For Your Life' in San Francisco, CA. Participants wil be running to support what many consider the most important cause of all: their own continued survival. The 43km race starts at noon, and throughout the closed-off course, runners will be chased by a slow, but steadily-moving steamroller driven by Smith himself. "This race is about saving lives," says Smith, "and in a much more direct way than some charity races I could name." Smith added that participants need not gather sponsors or collect pledges. "They should really just focus on staying one step ahead of me."

Saturday 5\17\03 - 5:20 PM GMT
Kids say some fucked-up shit
"The Passover Easter Bunny a, um, chicken," says Maya, age three and a half, "and he lays hot dogs." This is but one example of the crazy fucked-up shit you'll get to hear kids say on the new Fox Family TV show Rev. Smith will be hosting next fall called Kids Say Some Fucked-Up Shit. "I don't really like kids much," says Smith. "They're whiny, annoying, selfish, and manipulative little brats. But once in a while they just blurt out some crazy fucked-up shit that catches you off-guard and cracks you up." The half-hour show promises to be chock full of such moments caught on film.

Tuesday 5\13\03 - 8:28 AM GMT
Party time
"The time to party has come," announced a Rev. Smith today through a megaphone, from atop a makeshift platform, to a crowded gathering of college-age students at a local beach, many of whom were decked out in little more than bikinis and swim trunks, and several of whom had brought surf boards, coolers full of alcoholic beverages, beach vollyball kits, boomboxes, and plently of sun tan oil, intending to enjoy another beautiful day under the California sun. "And gone," added Smith dolefully. "Please collect your belongings and remove yourselves from the beach immediatley."

Friday 5\9\03 - 1:44 AM GMT
Of snakes, massacres, and talking donkeys
The Brick Testament updates today with six brand new illustrated Bible stories documenting the continuing saga of the Israelites on their harrowing journey through the Wilderness. Join in on the fun as God slaughters his own chosen people and then helps them slaughter other peoples. A good time is guaranteed for all. (Under 18 not admitted without parent or legal guardian.)

Monday 5\5\03 - 7:02 PM GMT
Smith earns extra life
God granted Rev. Smith and extra life today when Smith redeemed 100 gold coins that he had collected during his recent travels. "Those last few coins were really hard to find," noted Smith as he wiped sweat from his brow, "they were really hidden well." Smith went on to say that without having temporarily doubled in size after eating a giant mushroom, he wouldn't have made it past the Hammer Brothers. Smith says he isn't sure yet how he plans to spend his extra life, but says that knowing it's there makes him much less fearful of death during this lifetime.

Thursday 5\1\03 - 10:14 PM GMT
Up shit creek
Missing for days after getting lost on a canoeing trip while vacationing in backwoods Minnesota, reports indicate that Rev. Smith's most probably current location is somewhere up shit creek. All hope is not lost however, because Smith is known to be carrying the Carbon Blade XJ-14 Explorer Extreme, widely regarded as the best paddle in the world. "He should be able to extricate himself from that cesspool of a bog in no time," said ranger Buck Feldon of the National Parks Services. He then paused forebodingly, looked to the side and added: "that is, so long as he still has that paddle."