- January 2003 -

Monday 2\10\03 - 7:56 PM GMT
Man claims lives of 6.3 billion
An Oregon man today claimed the lives of 6.3 billion in a chilling speech that has taken the world by total surprise. "Today I claim the lives of 6.3 billion," said the man -- whose name has not yet been released -- in a televised speech that was short and to the point. Expert news analysts, noting that the population of the entire Earth is 6.3 billion, are casting serious doubt on the man's claim. "Then again," noted one analyst, "maybe he wasn't talking about human beings at all."

Thursday 2\6\03 - 1:49 AM GMT
The Brick Testament enters The Wilderness
Follow along with Moses, Aaron, and the whole gang as the God's Chosen People head into The Wilderness over at TheBrickTestament.com. Look for six exciting new illustrated stories taken from the books of Leviticus and Numbers in which the hapless Israelites grapple with their most formidable of adversary of all, Yahweh himself. Also be sure to stop by the BT merchandise page, because the Holy Trinity set is now officially back in stock!

Sunday 2\2\03 -3:10 PM GMT
High tea
The Rev. Brendan Powell Smith enjoyed high tea with the queen yesterday afternoon at Roquinfort Palace. "Things got off to a shaky start," admitted Smith, "when I accidentally dropped my cucumber sandwich into my tea, splashing scalding hot water on the archduke of Vonshire." Remembering proper etiquette, Smith swiftly switched clothes with the archduke and penned him a formal letter of apology as the tea ceremony continued. The rest of the afternoon went smoothly, though things were shaky for Smith again later that night when the seventeen cups of tea he drank kept him up all night.

Tuesday 1\28\03 - 7:56 PM GMT
State of the Brendan Address
This evening, Rev. Smith gave his annual State of the Brendan address in which told his audience that he believes the state of the Brendan is strong, and that the number one threat to his security is Iraq. Smith passed up the chance to speak about his fiscal plans for the future and his current state of employment, but instead outlined a plan to deploy his left leg to the Persian Gulf to counter the mounting international threat of Saddam Hussein and his pure evilness.

Thursday 1\23\03 - 7:56 PM GMT
Rev. Smith speaks out on Irish Radio
Dublin, Ireland's Spin 103.8 radio station today featured The Rev. Brendan Powell Smith as a guest on their SpinTalk programme. Smith talked with hosts Jack and Ali about what it takes to illustrate the Bible in LEGO, how Smith came to be called 'The Reverend', and the music of Smith's band The Human Heads. Smith revealed that he was in fact "half-Irish" and that both his first and last names reflect that heritage.

Saturday 1\18\03 - 8:16 PM GMT
Animal sacrifice
Looking for a way to atone for his recent sins, Rev. Smith turned to his trusted friend, The Bible, and soon knew what must be done. He went into the nearby fields and took a young ram, unblemished, and two young sheep. He brought them up on the hill and there slaughtered them before God at an altar he had built. He poured all their blood over the altar, and set their pile of entrails on fire. The resultant smell was pleasing to God, and soon all of Smith's sins were forgiven.

Monday 1\13\03 - 1:43 PM GMT
Smith caught having catered affair
Rev. Smith's longtime girlfriend Lila was distraught today upon discovering that for the past six weeks her boyfriend has been carrying on catered affairs. Shortly after departing for work this morning, Lila grew suspicious when she noticed a Mike's Catering van headed in the opposite direction. She followed the van back and watched as two men brought in row after row of pre-prepared dishes into her own house. Finally she stormed inside the house to confront Smith who was caught in a compromising position by the buffet table.

Tuesday 1\7\03 - 7:56 PM GMT
Six months to live
During The Rev. Brendan Powell Smith's recent trip to the doctor, it was revealed that he has only six months left to live. "It's a fatal condition," explained Smith's doctor, "and I'm afraid it's just a matter of time at this point." Asked if there was any chance for a last minute cure, the doctor shook his head, whispered "no", and turned to go. Rev. Smith reacted to the news as well as can be expected. His biggest complaint, said Smith, is that "now I'll have to find a new doctor."

Friday 1\3\03 - 2:40 AM GMT
Happy Twenty-oh-Three
It's three days into the new year, and Rev. Smith remains resolute in his stance that this year should be pronounced not as "Two Thousand Three" as is the common custom, but rather as "Twenty-oh-Three", which, he argues, is in keeping with previous centuries in which dates like 1903 or 1203 would pronounced "Nineteen-oh-Three" or "Twelve-oh-Three". "Who ever came up with this 'The Year Two Thousand' crap anyhow?" asked a visibly perturbed Smith. "Three years ago was the start of 'Twenty-Hundred', dammit."