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- September 2007 -
Tuesday
9\25\07 -
11:53 AM GMT
The Brick Testament -
Saul's last stand
  The
Brick Testament website has seen two new updates
in the past two weeks, adding fourteen new illustrated
stories that bring the epic saga of David
vs Saul to a terrible and bloody climax and conclusion.
With massacres, murders, decapitations, looting,
polygamy,
kidnappings, mutilations,
and even a musical number, there truly is something
for everyone in these heartwarming and always-inspiring
Bible stories.
Wednesday
9\19\07 -
5:30 PM GMT
Smith diagnosed with pedophobia
After years of displaying telltale symptoms such
as not finding infants even remotely cute, extreme displeasure
at being around crying and screaming babies, viewing
toddlers as far more annoying than endearing, and an
utter lack of interest in children, The Rev. Smith was
finally diagnosed by a team of doctors and psychologists
this week as a pedophobe. This separates Smith from
the vast majority of human adults who display an irrational
love of and interest in children, a dominant group doctors
refer to as pedophiles.
Thursday
9\13\07 -
1:21 AM GMT
Congress protests reduction
in powers with a non-binding resolution
An ever-weakening and increasingly irrelevant US
Congress this week passed a non-binding resolution that,
while having no legal effect, voices a feeble protest
to their own complicity in yielding
all but the most ceremonial powers of the legislative
branch over
to the executive branch of the US government. Tomorrow
the senate is scheduled to vote on President Bush's
proposal that all of Congress's future legislation be
legally non-binding. The measure has the support of
key Democrats and is expected to pass.
Tuesday
9\4\07 - 3:34
PM GMT
Mystery of disappearing frogs
and bees solved
Over the past several years, scientists have struggled
to explain the dramatic and alarming declines witnessed
among both frog and bee populations.
Various proposed theories point to global warming, environmental
toxins, or fungal pathogens as the root cause, but it
now appears that there is a simpler albeit far more
alarming solution
to
the mystery. The Rev. Brendan Powell Smith today confirmed
that for the past ten years he has been stockpiling
both frogs and bees for use in a future God-directed
plague against mankind. "You might notice a dip
in lice populations as well," noted Smith.
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