- March 2002 -
Tuesday
3\28\02 - 4:50 AM GMT
Church
Times article on Brick Testament
Today's Easter edition of the London weekly Church
Times is running a feature of The
Brick Testament. Check page three of this publication,
on newsstands today. Later on, check the press
page at The Brick Testament to see this and other
articles from SPIN magazine and the UK's Independent
on Sunday.
Tuesday
3\23\02 - 10:03 AM GMT
Worn
out crotch
The Rev. Brendan Powell Smith was alarmed today
to discover that the crotch section of more than half
of his boxer shorts have worn through. "I've had
most of these for less than a year," said a confused
Smith with a furrowed brow. "Is it the poor quality
of the shorts, or do my testicles somehow release some
slightly acidic substance that slowly eats through the
silk?" Smith shook his head, put on a pair of damaged
underwear and continued on with his day.
Tuesday
3\19\02 - 7:40 PM GMT
Smith
mistaken for Jesus
The phenomenal popularity of Rev. Smith's The
Brick Testament has provided for some wacky incidents
of late, the most recent including Smith being mistaken
for Jesus Christ almighty by not one, not two, but a
hundred and seventy-four different people within the
last week. "I don't see what the confusion is about,"
remarked Smith. "I mean, with this beard we look
a little alike, but our eye color is totally different."
Friday
3\15\02 - 6:33 AM GMT
Plan
B resorted to
After a disastrous attempt at pulling off plan
A, The Rev. Brendan Powell Smith switched gears today,
changing direction 180 degrees, and putting all his
remaining effort into a last-ditch attempt at his secondary
plan, plan B. "I had sincerely hoped it would not
come to this," said an exhausted Smith as he dropped
into an easy chair in his living room and flipped on
the TV. "May God have mercy on my soul."
Monday
3\11\02 - 6:33 AM GMT
Out
of ammo
Rev. Smith's recent string of bad luck took a decided
turn for the worse early this morning when it was reported
that after a long night of battling off the marauding
hordes, he is now completely out of ammo. "They're
still approaching from the east and west," stated
a distraught Smith as he scavenged through the surrounding
rubble for something to fashion into a bludgeoning weapon,
"must... resort... to... plan... B."
Wednesday
3\6\02 - 11:45 AM GMT
Breakfast
The following were the contents of the breakfast
consumed by The Rev. Brendan Powell Smith this morning:
Half a dozen eggs, sixteen strips of bacon, a super-sized
pot of black coffee, an English muffin, a blueberry
muffin, a crumpet, a golden brown Belgian waffle coated
in strawberries and whipped cream, twelve slices of
toast, a cinnamon bun, wo bowls of cereal, and an orange.
Saturday
3\2\02 - 9:29 AM GMT
World
prays for Smith
Millions of people across the globe are coming
together in spirit tonight to pray for the soul of Rev.
Smith. "If we don't pray for this man, who will?"
asked Pastor John Thorton of Cloverlake, IN. "Rev.
Smith does not realize how special he is in the eyes
of God," stated Vladmir Gorski of St. Petersburg,
Russia. "May the mercy of God be with that man
tonight," said Lorraine Dowdy of Blossom, TN, "and
may the sweet Lord Jesus keep watch over him through
the night."
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